Nov 18, 2025: :(failure(:

Preamble: I've poked around at writing this here and there, and I wasn't sure I would actually release it or not. Or if I did release it, when. Or+ who is the intended audience if I did figure out when. Eventually, I decided to ping the kids with it because outside of this thing being entirely for me, it is really for them, and for those even younger who follow. Maybe you write the thing down that leads to the thing that ends up being in the exact right moment for the right person. Trust the process.

Wu-Tang is for the children is what I'm trying to say.

Then I started having a job again and remembered that there's only so much me in a given day. I had all but shelved the idea.

Anywho, I went into the office for the first time today and accidentally ended up at a lunch and learn. The topic? :(failure(:

I've had a lot of time to think about :(failure(: over the past 15 months. How I failed myself, failed my colleagues, failed an organization, failed those sitting above or below me on the org chart, failed my friends, failed my family, failed my wife, and/or failed........ you get the picture.

Prior to August 2nd, 2024, I had spent the better part of 2 years preaching to two young gentlemen that the only way to improve as fast as we needed to was to fail twice as fast as that. We couldn't afford to speculate on what would or wouldn't work, we needed to move quickly and break everything. If we encountered anyone standing on the path forward screaming something wouldn't work, we needed to prove it. Fellas, until you show me it isn't, anything is possible.

And boy did we fail. Every now and again, catastrophically.

Nearly every day, I talked one person or another off a ledge. Often through their tears, sometimes through my own.

I don't subscribe to the theory that people don't want to change - at least not in full. Instead, we fear what trying to change will do to us or how it will make us look. Will I disappoint? Will I look stupid? Will I be wrong? What if I can't do it? What will any of this say about me?

I wasn't afforded the same luxury of doubt and fear as those around me were. At least outwardly. If I crack, then they crack, a dozen follow that, 50 follow them, and now everyone lets go of the rope. We didn't need everyone to understand every nuance. We didn't even really need everyone to agree with the direction we were headed. We did need everyone to hold onto the rope.

If I found you let go of the rope, it was my job to agree that, yes, we should have provided better rope holding gloves. It was my job to agree that everyone needs a break and that this is hard. It was my job to be there first to remind everyone where the rope is. It was my job to round up the last of the day's stragglers and sneak a rope back into their hands.

In the end, it was me that snapped. Catastrophically. Not the rope, not them, but me.

While I'm not going to lie and say that I don't fear failure or change, I do find that I process this fear differently than most around me. The status quo does not work for me. I need to explore the boundaries around me at all times. When I find the first boundary, it's on to the next. And the next after that. I'm more afraid of being stagnant, than of tripping over some arbritrary line. Especially a line that only exists because someone was simply afraid of crossing it.

There's a scene in the first avengers movie where tony stark asks bruce banner how he is managing his anger to prevent the incredible hulk from showing up. Things happen and he doesn't end up answering the question until later in the movie when this happens:

That's me and fear. That's my secret cap, I'm always afraid. Always have been. If you live close enough to something for long enough, you start to see past it. Always there when needed, easily ignored when it's not.

Now, when I am "right", there is no fear of failure because I can see past it. In fact, give me all of the failure. This scene in succession has stuck with me from the moment I first saw it:

Show me every way (fill in the blank) can fail. RIGHT NOW! All at once, preferably. From this rubble is where I have the most fun. Infinite possibilities.

Anyone can follow the path that's been proven successful. Who can lead down the path yet discovered?

Let's close with the gentleman who inspired the original thought for this chronicle:

Mostly, I chuckle when he mentions losing a finger. He's still got nine! lol

Also......I've spent 15 months revising my steps. This week, I start to rewrite my future.

Okay, okay, not quite done.

Speaking of lil yachty, I went to a concert with bonnie and jeff meff where he fell off the stage. Probably because he failed to control his drug and alcohol intake.

Not all :(failure(: is created equal me thinks.

Speaking of lil yachty part deux, I made a surprise appearance at lulu's six month wedding consult at the venue tonight. I wasn't sure if I could make it or not, new job and all, so I just let it seem like I wouldn't even try. Boom. Nailed it. Smiles all around.

lil yachty tho. Focus, yo. I asked lulu to drop this song onto the wedding playlist:

This song makes me happy. I shall dance to this song on a happy night.

Good thing there is not gonna be a stage to fall off of. Nahmean?

Oh, and we ended the consult with a real live
👇👇👇