I've got a bit of a white boi winter going, starting with the beatles:
nikkigirl and I recently watched the Anthology series and ever since I've been listening to their albums in the order of release, to include all of their solo releases as I continue the adventure. I've made it through 1969 [niiice] a few times and need to get back to this mission to continue into the 70's.
I didn't get into the beatles until my early twenties and I can vividly remember pirating all of their albums when we lived on Tayco St. See this computer?
Okay, focus. Stop looking at the cutie pies and focus on the computer in the back left. I still have this tower, filled with terabytes of media, including every beatles album, AND still have that sound system tucked away around here somewhere. Just in case.
Tayco St. memories are bittersweet though. Bittersweet.
Want some more white boi winter? I've been revisiting Eminem recently as well. There's some slim shady takes built up around here somewhere. Soon perhaps. Soon.
I asked each for a blurb on the movie, bonnie's first:
Marty Supreme is about a man who is a bad friend at best and a conman at worst. He's willing to sacrifice everything, even his dignity, to achieve his dream of being the best Table Tennis player. Only to end up doing one of the only things claims he refuses to do.
Marty supreme is a movie. where a professional ping pong player gets in to crazy shenanigans with his friends and extras. Most of the movie he is a bad friend to Tyler the creator while denying he has a baby then he goes to japan.
The End
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
How could I possibly top that? You heard it here first folks, Marty Supreme: 4.5 stars.
For giggles, I made a little component that will take any playlist from YouTube Music and output the artists/albums from said playlist, as well as embed it into the page.
Today's work was brought to you by:
There's a lot to like about this little component. Should be fun to see how I can play with this in the future.
Also released today:
Dividers, bullets, and hashtags inherit color schemes
nikkigirl and I watched strange brew last night and it might have been peak 2025 sneaking in under the gun:
What can you really say about this movie? I think you just need to watch it, hoser. It's on Amazon Prime Video. Take off, eh.
PS......shout out to derek. He's almost certainly the first person I ever saw this movie with and it probably was a "dangerous" movie when we did. Couple of 10 year olds, watching some beer chasing hosers, eh?
I was on TikTok today - even though it's bad for me and I try to avoid social media - and someone reminded me of the group deltron 3030 [wikipedia] when talking about dan the automator. As any good fan boi would do, I dropped their self-titled debut album into the queue and gave it a spin.
It's a fantastic, and futuristic journey through time & space.
Anywho, back when nikkigirl and I were divorced, she once called me the Mastermind. Not necessarily in a derogatory way, but not necessarily in a nice way either (lol). I was reminded of this when this popped on the ol' earbuds:
Around the same time she said that, was one of the times I took one of those personality tests and rated out as an INTJ [the Mastermind]. I've taken a wide variety personality style tests over the years, usually within Corporate America, and while many of the results tend to vary slightly the more you take them, I always land as an INTJ when taking Myers-Briggs Type Indicator tests.
If you add this, to that, you get me setting this as nikkigirl's ringtone on whatever shit phone I had at the time. Remember those? Yeah, this was a ringtone story.
As part of this adventure down memory lane, I found an old email between her and I from over 15 years ago. We shared a nice memory and smile as she read it.
The real story is she found my missing idea when she asked me if my #1 listened to artist this year was post malone. Another spoiler alert, he wasn't......though I did give him some run because I love my little girl. I doubt I've had a year that was more country than this one, as little as it actually was. Still, banger alert:
Anywho, that conversation reminded me that I was one of the top listeners of gza last month and I was gonna post(malone?) about that before it flittered away. I guess I already did post(malone?) about it kinda sorta. Speaking of which, I made it onto the rave's facebook page:
Focus sir. Here's all of the badges I've gotten on youtube over the past year+, including our friend mr. genius:
Remember when I mentioned my one and only series of paintings yesterday? Well, if you rewind a year and look at how much I listened to bjork, you'll see just how in my feelings I was while I painted.
When I finished the first of my paintings it was so bad that I had full-on breakdown. Long story short (short story will arrive longer eventually); her album homogenic snapped me out of it and I only painted listening to that album from that point forward to finish the series.
I've already pre-written something upstairs about how every song on that album speaks directly to that time in my life. One day I'll pull it out and formalize it here. Perhaps sooner rather than later.
At some unknown point this morning I had an idea for today's post and had a moment to decide whether to document it or trust the process. Well, I forgot. It's lost.
With that in mind, let's talk about mama's big ones. I actually only know one big one off of cass elliot's album, but what an album name. Who doesn't like big ones? Let's check in on my personal favorite big one, make your own kind of music:
If there's anything I'll say to the kiddos over and over.......and over again that I hope they take fully to heart: it's the idea of making your own kind of music. I might go full dad mode and rant and rave about this or that, only to finish the thought with "now do you". Listen to me, listen to your mothers, listen to your teachers, listen to the lord himself, but make your own way. Make your own path. Take in your world, make it your own.
make your own kind of music
There are also those amongst us, the enlightened perhaps, that will also recognize this song from where I discovered it. I was just chillin' when desmond popped up on my favorite TV show:
I've probably spent more total hours watching lost than any other TV show or movie. Last time I made it maybe 7 episodes in. Sometimes I make it all the way through pretty quickly, sometimes it will take me a year or two to make it through. I always have to go back.
One of these days I'll get around to documenting my one and only series of paintings, simply titled lost.
Anywho, remember what happened to the idea I had earlier today?
Let's close with the gentleman who inspired the original thought for this chronicle:
Mostly, I chuckle when he mentions losing a finger. He's still got nine! lol
Also......I've spent 15 months revising my steps. This week, I start to rewrite my future.
Okay, okay, not quite done.
Speaking of lil yachty, I went to a concert with bonnie and jeff meff where he fell off the stage. Probably because he failed to control his drug and alcohol intake.
I dapped up ol' dirty bastard's oldest brother, ramsey, last night in Milwaukee while attending the 30th anniversary tour for Liquid Swords (by myself). ramsey is the drummer in the phunky nomads band that is touring along side gza and was gracious enough to spend time with the fans after the show. Dapping ensued.
Last night was also the 21st anniversary of odb's death.
The concert itself was mid. gza always has this look of boredom when he performs and the rave has never really done it for me. The sound system and venue are not very good at handling loud rap - which has always left me feeling a bit wanting.
That said, I was basically in the first row, right behind a 9 or 10 year old kid, a mom who was nice enough to have her boobies out, and her 15 year old son who was a superfan. That meant gza spent a good deal of time rapping directly at us and interacting with my general area throughout the concert.
He ended up signing 4 wu-tang related pieces of vinyl the 15 year old brought
and gave the kid a few different things, including autographs. I'd give
gza himself a solid grade.
Oh! And there was no merch at all. I was looking forward to buying something and.....it wasn't meant to be.
As for the album itself, it is basically unimpeachable. When that intro starts and the little girl begins:
when i was little
my father was famous
he was the greatest samurai......
Spine-tingle, mind boggles.
To close it off, while it's difficult to put anything over the title track or shadowboxin' with method-man, 4th chamber is my favorite song off the album.
So, come boy. Choose life or death:
I used to have a goal of knowing every verse the rza had in the entirety of his catalog and had a journal where I would transcribe all of his verses, as well as practice my memorization against. I would study this shit. Every day.
Nerd alert.
I vididly remember writing this verse down. Almost as if it was the first time I did so.
Overall, this was a worthy way to spend one of my last nights as a free man. I start the new gig on Monday.
Before we get to the meat of it, let's quickly revisit zero, by jean grae & quelle chris. It didn't quite fit the vibe of mindful practice, so here we are back at it again.
The official video be fire emoji is the point.
Dopeness.
Did I mention that jean grae & quelle chris are married? Did you know that I've asked jean to marry me? 3 times:
For the record, she was not married at the time. Also for the record, I cannot
escape the problematic white boi red flags that seem to follow us white bois
around. It's almost like there might be something systemic.....
I just checked with the ultimate white boi [fake news], jesus, and he seems the forgiving type so I'm gonna to keep it moving.
As part of writing the blueprint page, when I thought of inspiration, the first thing that sprung to mind was thich nhat hanh. More than any author, thich nhat hahn has changed how I process the world around me. Within me.
The way he approaches the ideas of meditation, mindfulness, and mindful practice are easy to latch onto and incorporate, almost immediately. A few quick examples......
How can I process my anger? Through mindful practice. See the feeling, understand the feeling, love the feeling, let the feeling flitter away. Watch the anger go with it. Over and over. Thousands of times. Infinity times.
How can I live a healthier life? Through mindful practice. Instead of eating whatever mindless fast food is easiest, consider the origin. Consider the preparation. Help your mind see that this apple is from a tree, which is from a seed, that took root on earth, as it speeds through the galaxy, expanding out across the universe, this apple is everything. I am this apple. I am everything. I am nothing. This apple is not an apple.
All of this to say, about two weeks ago I went digging through the books I have packed away to make room for cards and other crap, on a mission to find any thich nhat hahn book to read. As I drifted away from my happiest and healthiest self, reading took a back seat, and whatever book I found first of his was going to help me get back on the reading rainbow train.
His books have a few built in advantages on my be less dumb mission:
Short
Easy to read
Mindful practice
As luck would have it, the first book I found was
living buddah, living christ.
When eeeeeeeemma was baptized in April, it wasn't received with universal applause, and of the dozen or so of us that attended, half were comfortable in the environment, and the other were not. For me, it fit like a glove.
Now, I do not, nor will I ever (god willing, lol) - claim any religion. Or call myself religious. Most of it is laughable. Specifically.........another time maybe. Read the room 🎙unclejimmy.
Plus, the technology, and presentation, what is this 19.........settle down ⚒️tullyelly. Not the time for that either.
The truth is that the fundamental idea of a place to go for quiet reflection speaks to me and I prayed in a church for the first time in decades. Perhaps with the most sincerity of my entire life. I noticed how okay I was with that. I also noticed how difficult it was for some to be present in the moment. Present without judgement. Present with a child's curiosity.
Mindful practice. Be where you are. Be 🪶theabbott.
Fast forward to last week - I'd read the book here and there, and while I thought it was a stroke of luck to find a book that would help me to connect with eeeeeeeemma's religious experience, I was just chipping away at it. It wasn't really mindful practice.
Now I had a mission. I needed to get this book into eeeeeeeemma's hands to help her on her journey. Whether she liked it or not (typically, my book recommendations or gifts are met with an eye roll, hi dad, lol). Anywho, I ripped through it in one shot as soon as I was able.
Okay, that's a lie, I made this dumb thing right smack in the middle of the day I finished reading this book. Brought to you by buddha I suppose.
Now I really wanted to share with her how thich nhat hahn tied the idea of meditation, and mindful practice, to the idea of prayer, as well as buddhist breathing exercises to connecting with the holy spirit, let alone his connection of buddha to jesus himself - I knew it could be of great benefit to her. If nothing else, I could hand her a book holding the thing that helped me the most, framed in a way that connects to the world that she is just starting to understand.
My favorite realization out of living buddah, living christ is that it is not about separating yourself as a buddhist, or as a catholic, or as a bucks fan. Instead, the beauty of it all rests in recognizing that my search for peace, is the same search for peace that eeeeeeeemma is drawn to. Two paths to one shared consciousness.
During her initial ER visit, eeeeeeeemma was asked what were some things that lead her to the idea of self-harm and she said "what's the point?". thich nhat hahn taught me to dig deeper when I find myself asking that very same question.
What's the point IS the point.
Since we are here, let's knock out two other ideas that have been bouncing around upstairs and let's frame them as the buddha on one shoulder chirping in my ear vs the devil on the other shoulder doing just the same.
First, the devil. The introduction on zero by jean grae & quelle chris gives me chills every time I hear it. Mostly because that can be me, and also because encountering it at work, I saw years of mindful practice wither away and die.
An individual coming into a corporation
Walking into the data center
Turning the power switch off
All the machines immediately power down
Because that's what happens,
The human infrastructure goes offline and stops working
Humans, not unlike machines in a data center, have sensors
In our cases, a threat sensor called the limbic system
And when there's a threat, they basically go into protective mode
And you can see it when you walk around, people are very guarded
They parse every word that comes out of their mouth
They're watching your every action
There's something called fear conditioning,
Which is exactly the same thing
That person's image gets imprinted on the brain,
In the brain, of the other individual that they've threatened
Your brain would maintain an image of that
'Cause it was a great threat to your survival
All you need is the mere presence of that individual to set off the limbic
system
A cascade of events, it could be passing them in the hallway,
It could be them coming to a meeting
Where you have to be there with them
The fact of the matter is, the minute that person shows up,
The meeting becomes completely unproductive
Everybody is focused on the threat, not on the work
And it's the same thing: it's like having a room full of equipment,
When none of it is working suddenly
These people are so, so damaging
I was gone within a year or two of running across someone like this, and I wasn't alone. In the end, you know how many fucks I gave? zero.
Then on the other shoulder we have our better angels. Let's check in with our hero, del the funky homosapien, and explore magnetizing:
Magnetizing, magnificent mind set
Whenever I'm next, the shit you haven't tried yet
Live shit, magnetizing, peep what I'm advertising
My alliance got your third eye cryin
Followed by this excerpt:
You can achieve the hypnotic state
By saying those things in your mind
To yourself that is said to you on the recording
And then give yourself certain suggestions
That will change your attitude towards crude
The two lessons I take from this? Be a magnatizing force. Use that magnatizing force in concert with mindful practice to process the world around you. These two things combined will help to positively shape any environment you exist within.
More to the point, ditch the zero and get with the hero.
Since big daddy kane popped into the frame, let's have a brief chat about him. He was like 4 years too early for my prime and while I don't have a ton of attachment to his music, most of my legends do. This is my personal favorite:
big daddy kanesong: ain't no half steppin'album: long live the kane
Next, let's dabble in the downsides of AI.
kane has a new album coming out yet this year (I think), and
he and the rza dropped a new video leading up to it:
big daddy kanesong: open ya eyesalbum: bobby digital presents: juice crew
open ya eyes itself is a decent song, but damn if they didn't just mail
it in with a generic AI video. I'm sure someone worked very hard to get this
aligned to the music, and yet? Not it. Cap.
We watched the new frankenstein movie on Netflix last night.
It's been getting really good buzz and it lived up to the billing. Very
enjoyable.
I'm not sure I've ever watched an entire frankenstein movie prior to this - I've always been more of a dracula guy myself. That said, there's a lot to unpack within this story, particularly around the idea of frankenstein seeking the mercy of death. It just so happens to be something we've thought a lot about 'round these parts lately. lol
Beyond that, there's plenty to chew on: forgiving your father, friendship, purity vs violence, playing god, etc. Visually stunning to boot.
Recommend.
armand hammer (
billy woods &
euclid) dropped a new album,
mercy, this past week and it's been getting steady run since. Entirely
produced by the alchemist, it has
that cold NYC winter feel that would fit well as the backdrop of a frankenstein
movie.
I'm not familiar with their previous works, but they keep popping up here and there on features, and I figured it was time to give them some run. Me likey.
billy woods recently dropped a
horror based rap album called golliwog that pops into rotation every now and
again so at some point I'll be doing a deep dive all around here.
Really though, this is just an excuse to link to super nintendo. This beat is bananas.
I just kept hoping, I just kept hoping
The way would become clear
I spent all this time
Tryna play nice and fight my way here
See, I've been having me a real hard time
But it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright
So, I just kept dreaming, yeah, I just kept dreamin'
It wasn't very hard
I spent all this time
Tryna figure out why
Nobody on my side
See, I've been having me a real good time
And it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright
So please, don't take my feelings
I have found at last
So please, don't take my feelings
I have found at last
Yeah, if I wanted to, I'd be alright
So I just kept going, I just kept going
And hoping I'm growing near
Well, that's good and fine, I spent all this time
Tryna find my way here
And I've been having me a real fun time
And it feels so nice to know I'm gonna be alright
Please, don't take this feeling
I have found at last
Please, don't take my feeling
I have found at last
Yeah, if I wanted to, I'd be alright
Yeah, if I wanted to, I'd be alright
scroll amendment · 2026-04-20Amended to meet v2.7.10 standards. Star Date: 2026-04-20
I hate death. It's honestly shocking that autumn is my favorite season. The nature is so amazing; the trees are constantly morphing into something new. Despite the fact that it appears trees are dying in the winter, they are still very much alive. The days grow shorter, the ground begins to freeze, trees shed their leaves and prepare themselves to survive another winter. Not dead, simply dormant. And when the ground begins to thaw, they come back more radiant with each passing spring. I don’t see autumn as a time of death. I see it as a chance for new life.
Like those autumn trees, I often start to deteriorate in the fall. The pit in my stomach and the bricks in my chest had burdened me all year, although the stress had worsened come September. The anxiousness was nothing out of the ordinary for me - expected even. It was half past four and I was sitting on an old velvet couch with my mom right beside me. My dad was across from me, and although I wasn't close to him, I could have sworn I saw tears in his eyes. The room was uncomfortably silent, like nobody was sure where to start; I think, secretly, both of my parents were hoping the other would take the lead. When my dad finally spoke, he asked me if I knew why they had sat me down. I looked out the window at the leaves on the ground, and felt the soreness swelling in my throat - the kind you only get when you think you might cry. How do you face the people that raised you, the people who taught you to love yourself no matter what, and tell them you've been harming yourself?
After that talk, my mom immediately started looking for a therapist. I wish I could say the whole 'talking about my feelings' thing came natural to me, but that’s anything but true. Remembering back to middle school, before anyone found out, the thing that sticks out the most to me was my loneliness. I felt so isolated in my own brain, unsure of how I was meant to cope with the feelings I was having. During those times, the trees were my solace. They stood solid and unmoving even under brutal cold and forceful winter winds. The only thing the trees couldn't do was give me advice. Although I don't want others to have to experience what I went through, it has taught me so many things. Because of my experiences I have a unique perspective on compassion and empathy towards those around me. You truly never know what someone is enduring, so I make it a priority to consider the struggles of others before I jump to judgement or hostility. I know I can't help the whole world, but I can make a difference. I'll start small, just one person, one conversation, one little thing to make sure that those around me understand that they are loved. In return, we can all flourish.
I know my mental health has had a big effect on my life and the way I grew up. I know that it will affect me in the future, and I know that it's something I have to live with for the rest of my life. However, I'm not worried. I have my family to support me and all the tools I learned in therapy to keep me going. I will continue my journey so when I encounter people like me I can be their understanding ear, just like my mom was for me. Autumn has always been my favorite season. From the moment the first leaf turns red to when the last one touches the ground, that tree symbolizes hope for future growth and transformation, and that is what I hope to embody in my future.
When I woke up, I went with Bonnie to see One Battle After Another and quite enjoyed it. Bonnie was then kind enough to point out the issues with the portrayal of black women, noted here, and all over reddit. I'm 100% a part of the problem, because I never would have picked up on this and frankly, I enjoyed the movie all the same.
It's one battle after another against my white priviledge it turns out.
Respect black women is a solid take. Can't argue there.